I hope she doesn't mind, but I've also combined this with the dirty fairy tale prompt, since it seemed to fit. Er...at least, in my twisted brain, it fitted. Ahem.
Anyway! A retelling of the Princess and the Pea. For your reference, I've headed it up with an abriged version of the original story! Heh, not that I'm trying to show just how wrong MY version is, or anything like that.
As an aside, both Spike and Angel are kinda mixtures of their regular personalities and the human versions (i.e. William and Liam). Sorry, hope it's not confusing or weird, but it just gelled better for the story. Uh, because it's obviously vitally important to characterise properly when you're perverting fairy stories....
Hope you enjoy!
The Prince and the Pea
There was once a prince, and he wanted a princess, but then she must be a real princess. He travelled right around the world to find one, but there was always something wrong. There were plenty of princesses, but whether they were real princesses he had great difficulty in discovering; there was always something which was not quite right about them. So at last he had come home again, and he was very sad because he wanted a real princess so badly.
One evening there was a terrible storm; it thundered and lightninged and the rain poured down in torrents; indeed it was a fearful night.
In the middle of the storm somebody knocked at the town gate, and the old King himself sent to open it.
It was a princess who stood outside, but she was in a terrible state from the rain and the storm. The water streamed out of her hair and her clothes; it ran in at the top of her shoes and out at the heel, but she said that she was a real princess.
'Well we shall soon see if that is true,' thought the old Queen, but she said nothing. She went into the bedroom, took all the bed clothes off and laid a pea on the bedstead: then she took twenty mattresses and piled them on top of the pea, and then twenty feather beds on top of the mattresses. This was where the princess was to sleep that night. In the morning they asked her how she slept.
'Oh terribly bad!' said the princess. 'I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night! Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing, and my whole body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible!'
They saw at once that she must be a real princess when she had felt the pea through twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds. Nobody but a real princess could have such a delicate skin.
So the prince took her to be his wife, for now he was sure that he had found a real princess, and the pea was put into the Museum, where it may still be seen if no one has stolen it.
Now this is a true story.
Prince Spike looked out of his window and sighed, thinking that the heavy rain suited his mood.
He’d been home for a month now following his failed expedition around the world to find a princess to take as his wife. Of course, the whole thing had been Mum’s idea...Prince Spike not only thought that he’d rather just find a nice easy-going lover (who would preferably be easy in other ways too) rather than someone as high maintenance as a princess, but also that he’d rather have a prince. Still, that wasn’t the done thing at all.
And he was sure that his mother would want him to find the right person and to be happy, rather than just any old bint who might or might not be a princess. And how the hell was he supposed to tell anyway?
As it happened, the Queen was reaching the end of her tether. She wanted her beautiful (but rather naive and clingy) son married off – and to someone rich and powerful. Not only would it secure his future, but the old King had managed to run most of their fortune into the ground before dying in a rather unfortunate archery accident, and they could really do with some assistance of the fiduciary variety.
Therefore, when a young man – tall, athletic and rather pretty except for the dubious hair – knocked on the gate and claimed to be a prince, the Queen summoned him to the palace. After all, she’d read that some distant kingdoms allowed marriages within the same gender, and beggars really couldn’t be choosers. Not that she thought her son would be particularly averse to the idea; she’d seen the poems he hid under the mattress, all of them with a distinct overuse of the word “member”.
When the purported Prince stood before them, soaked to the skin and shivering from the rain, Spike hurriedly had their manservant strip him helpfully out of his overcoat, eyes roving hungrily over the way that his sodden undershirt clung to his chest. He was beautiful, that was for sure. Spike’s tongue peeked out, running over his suddenly dry lips, but when he realised that the other man had noticed his interest, he blushed and mumbled something about ordering some tea, fleeing from the room.
The Queen wasn’t entirely convinced that the young man – Angel, apparently – was indeed a prince. He really looked in a frightfully damp state, water droplets still clinging to his eyelashes and his clothes entirely ruined. However, she fervently hoped that he was because it was perfectly obvious that he’d taken an immediate and strong shine to her son. As Prince Spike had darted out of the room like his heels were on fire, Angel’s eyes had avidly tracked the movement, dark and desiring.
“We welcome you, Prince Angel,” said the Queen graciously. “You must accept our offer of a bed for the night.” She’d soon find out if he was what he said he was.
“Thank you, Highness,” bowed the young man, wishing that it was Prince Spike’s bed he was being offered. Still, he was working on it...
When Spike returned to the room, his hard-won composure shot once again as soon as he clapped eyes on the gorgeous man lounging by the fire, his mother excused herself.
Once out of the room, she grabbed one of her maids and rushed her to the guest quarters via a quick detour to the kitchen. Ordering the mattress ripped off, she placed a pea on the bedstead, and then insisted that twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds be piled on the top, much to the irritation of the maid. Only a real prince would have delicate enough skin to feel the pea through that! She’d seen it on the Discovery Channel or something.
While the Queen was ordering the construction of the most ridiculous bed in the world, Prince Spike racked his brains for something to talk to the handsome stranger about. There were times when he could be brash, but not when it came to people who stole his heart; he was always shy and sweet with them.
“So...Your kingdom is far from here then, I suppose...?”
“My kingdom? Oh, right. Yes. Very far away. And I fear that I may have caught cold in the rain.” He coughed for emphasis. “Perhaps I’ll need to stay here more than one day.”
The thought made Prince Spike in equal measure happy and apprehensive. He would get to spend more time with Angel, but what if the other man noticed his less than platonic interest? Or, worse, was disgusted by it? Torture.
Seeing both the yearning and the fear on Spike’s face, Angel mentally rubbed his hands together in glee. He was pretty sure that he had a virgin on his hands! Well...in his hands, if things played out the way that he wanted them to.
After a short while, the Queen returned, looking quite pleased with herself. The remainder of the evening was extremely civilised, everyone making polite conversation while Prince Spike snuck glances at their new companion and Angel tried to prevent himself from outright leering at the blond. At what felt like an appropriate time, the Queen excused herself to bed, satisfied to see that the two young men seemed rather taken with one another. If Angel passed the pea test and proved to be a real prince, she was sure that he’d be delighted to form a union with her son. He’d made good and sure to mention (in passing, of course) that same-gender marriages were an accepted practice in his kingdom.
Once he was sure that the lady must be safely ensconced in her bed, Angel turned to the Prince. “I’m rather fatigued myself. Maybe you could show me where I’ll be sleeping...?”
Spike nodded and rose abruptly. Angel wanted to get to sleep and be away from his company. Of course. What had he been thinking? “Yes, sorry, you must be exhausted. I shouldn’t be keeping you from your rest. Please follow me.”
Angel, who was quite determined that Prince Spike would be keeping him from his rest, smirked to himself and followed the other man out of the room.
They both stared in astonishment at the towering bed for a moment.
“Uh...Your mother is extremely hospitable,” managed Angel eventually, his eyebrows raised and a slightly dubious expression on his face. “That’s got to be the most comfortable-looking bed I’ve ever seen.”
Spike nodded, wondering what on earth was going on. Still, not wanting to look stupid, he tried not to seem too surprised, bluffing his way through as if it was common practice in their kingdom. “Well, it’s not every night that we have other royalty visiting.”
“Right. Okay, so...how do I get up there?” asked Angel, stripping out of his shirt. There was a fire blazing in the room and he knew that his muscled torso looked rather fetching in the amber light.
“Um...” Prince Spike forcefully wrestled his eyes away from the other man’s body, cheeks flushing pink. “Oh, look, there’s a ladder.” He was mortified to feel that his cock was swelling in his trousers, eager at the sight of supple, beautiful male flesh. “Right, so, goodnight!”
Angel gently snagged Spike’s arm before he could dart from the room, fingers caressing just slightly. “It’s a bit embarrassing but...well, I have a slight fear of heights.” He looked down, eyelashes deliberately dusting his cheeks in what he knew to be a thoroughly adorable manner. “Perhaps you could just get on the bed first? Once I can see that it’s safe, I’m sure that I’ll be fine.”
Deciding that Angel was even sexier for admitting his weakness (even though a nasty rogue little part of him wanted to tease that he was a complete pouf), Spike gulped and nodded. He was going to be on Angel’s bed! Even though it would be awkward and he’d be concentrating the entire time on hiding his erection, a part of him was still elated. He knew that he’d be thinking about it later when he was in his own bed and slipped his hands under the covers...
Angel watched Spike ascending the ladder. Or rather, he watched the delectable way that his firm little ass swayed as he was ascending the ladder. Nice. This was going to be so much fun.
Prince Spike was a little surprised once he gained the top of the mattress tower to look down and find that Angel was scuttling speedily up the ladder like a rat up a drainpipe. His fear seemed to have vanished entirely.
“Oh...Well, I s’pose it’s best to face the phobia head-on,” said Spike encouragingly, trying not to sound confused.
“The wh...? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.” Angel nodded convincingly as he hauled himself over the top of the highest mattress, holding his hand out to the Prince as if he actually needed some assistance.
With an almost awed expression, Spike grasped the large hand, his own practically engulfed, and tugged.
Somehow, he knew not how, the momentum sent them crashing onto the mattress and he ended up flat on his back with Angel’s body spread out on top of him.
Spike was instantly mortified, all the blood draining from his face, but the other man just smiled slowly, the gesture looking sultry in the light and shadows cast by the fire low down in the chamber. “Oops.”
The blond cleared his throat, unsure what on earth to do and fearful that his cock would betray his interest to the other man. “Sorry,” he blurted, even though he wasn’t entirely sure how it was his fault that they’d ended up in such a compromising position. “Well, now that you’re...er...settled...”
Sweet Jesus, Angel’s fire-warmed, smooth skin was pressing against him, nothing but a thin layer of cotton separating them! And all that hard, heavy muscle...Spike felt a little lightheaded, and thought that he really ought to escape immediately before he made a complete fool of himself.
Angel had other plans.
“You’re right, I am settled. This really is rather comfortable,” smiled Angel, lowering his lashes and attempting to look a little shy and coy, which he thought would go over rather well with the Prince.
Tactfully not mentioning that Angel was probably more comfortable because he was the crusher rather than the crushee, Spike couldn’t help but return the smile. The bigger man really was hot, and he didn’t seem too interested in moving anytime soon, which made Spike feel warm inside – and more than a little aroused.
“You know,” said Angel, a teasing lilt to his voice, “maybe it would be better for all concerned if you just stayed here. I mean, I might get afraid again...”
“Is that right?” grinned Spike, unable to resist playing along. What with his ridiculous quest for a princess, he hadn’t managed to indulge his growing interest in the male gender at all. He’d come close with a gorgeous blue-eyed legal counsellor at a neighbouring kingdom, but then the “princess” he’d been half-heartedly wooing had turned out to be an opportunistic handmaid while the real princess turned out to be a twelve year-old (and fat at that), so he’d been forced to leave. Which had been a real shame, because he’d been pretty sure that the “bedroom” eyes that Lindsey had been shooting at him had progressed to “seriously, just bend me over the nearest available surface and bang me senseless” eyes – and Spike would rather have enjoyed that.
“Absolutely,” nodded Angel, breaking into a winning smile, complete with dimples. Spike felt his heart rate pick up and more blood surge southward; he blushed a little when he could tell from the other man’s expression that he’d felt the stirring against his leg.
But then Angel shifted position and the Prince gasped to feel an answering hardness thrusting against his own.
“I...er...” Spike was trying to decide whether he ought to do the proper thing and flee, even though he really didn’t want to, but Angel soon managed to put a stop to that.
“You aren’t going to leave, are you?” he asked, the hint of a pout making an appearance and joining with puppy dog eyes to make one hell of a convincing picture. “Ever since the moment I saw you, I’ve wanted you. You’re so beautiful.”
Spike’s mouth fell open as Angel stroked down his face and through his hair, hips rotating to give just a little friction. Oh hell, there was no way he could resist such a full-on charm offensive. He surged forward and mashed their lips together, too eager to go slow.
Angel managed to grin smugly even with his mouth full of tongue, nimble fingers quickly going to work on the other man’s clothes. Spike gasped, surprised, but he didn’t try to put a stop to the disrobement.
Before Spike even really knew what was happening, they were both naked, sinking into the soft mattresses, and he ran his hands reverently over the smooth, thick muscle of Angel’s body. He had to admit that he was a bit nervous; he knew what men did, of course, and desperately wanted to do it himself, but he’d never tried it before. He also wanted to be on top, and rather felt that it was his right as the Prince, but he didn’t know how Angel would feel about it, especially since he purported to be a sovereign himself.
Fortunately, Angel saw the anxiety, understood its root and decided to allay it immediately. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t have loved to indulge himself with Spike’s gorgeous ass, because he would; it was rather the fact that he was hot and horny and wanted some scorching sex. The amount of work and restraint it would take to convince the virgin Prince to give it up, and then treat him as carefully as he deserved, just didn’t seem worth it. Not when he was more than happy to get reamed himself, especially by royalty.
“I want you inside me, Sire,” he purred, parting his thighs so that he was straddling Spike, the other man’s cock rubbing against his underside and making his breath hitch in his throat. “Do you want me on top, like this?”
Spike looked awed for a moment and then nodded, smile sliding into something approaching a smirk. “For starters...”
Delighted, Angel wasted no time in spitting into his hand and opening himself up, kneeling up over the Prince. He wasn’t shy about putting on a show, and it was evident that Spike enjoyed watching him, his pretty blue eyes heavy with lustful appreciation. Angel moaned long and low when Spike slipped a finger in alongside his two, searching and stretching.
“God, that’s so hot. I’m ready,” panted Angel, thinking that actually he was probably a stage or two beyond ready. Spike was quite a sight, laid out passively beneath him, and he couldn’t wait to be riding him. Grabbing hold of Spike’s hard and leaking cock, he positioned himself and sank down, hissing a little with the burn, but not pausing. He was turned on by the fact that Spike’s hands slid up his thighs and grasped his hips to pull him into place – and, if he was honest, it wasn’t as if he was a stranger to the sensation of getting filled up. Although never by someone quite so prestigious before.
Angel moved languidly to begin with, enjoying the feel of Spike inside him and allowing them both to get used to the sensation. Spike’s incredulous, slack-jawed expression indicated that he hadn’t expected it to be this good, this tight, and Angel found himself clenching his muscles hard and undulating seductively. He liked Spike, wanted to make him feel good...was kinda hoping for a repeat performance already.
Spike could already tell that he was spoiled for princesses forever. And for all women really. God, he’d never felt anything so good. The weight of Angel in his lap, the feel of his hard, flexing muscles, the tightness of his ass. Spike never wanted it to end.
Angel began to pick up the pace, his breaths coming faster and harder as Spike thrust up in time from beneath him, driving his dick deeper. He noticed that the Prince propped himself up on his elbows and craned his neck up, so he leaned down to allow their mouths to fuse passionately together once more, growling slightly into the kiss. Spike responded with a low moan and a tightening of his hands on his hips, pulling him down with more force.
Grunting, Angel breathed a curse and redoubled his efforts, bobbing up and down frantically. He began to tug on his own cock, already feeling tight heat coiling inside him and unable to resist the temptation of more sensation.
Getting close himself, body tingling with the need for release, wonder still making his mind fuzzy and his heart happy, Spike forced them into a roll, plopping Angel down flat on his back.
“Hell yeah,” grinned the bigger man, arching up against Spike’s body and exposing the long line of his throat. The blond leaned in and mouthed sensually over it, the caress of his tongue a delightful counterpoint to his hard, almost erratic thrusts.
Angel had managed to keep hold of his dick, and he pumped it faster, the way greased by sweat and pre-cum. As Spike twisted his hips and gently closed his teeth over Angel’s pulse point, he lost it entirely. Grinding down onto Spike’s cock and bucking up into his own fist, he mumbled breathlessly – good, and perfect, and ohfuckyes – and then he was trembling and squirming with imminent orgasm.
Angel cried out as he shot his load, warm wetness splattering Spike and immediately hurtling him toward his own climax. He’d dreamed of being with a man for so long, and in his fantasies it had always been the thought of the cum shot that had turned him on the most. The reality was better, of course; Angel shot long, thick pulses and Spike could smell and feel the release.
Within moments, Spike was hammering his last few strokes home, gripping Angel desperately and kissing him hard as the heat and pleasure coiled tightly within him, holding his balls and spine in a vice-like grip. Finally the explosion came, deep and intense and overwhelming.
Spike dropped his forehead to Angel’s and moaned ecstatically as his cock pulsed deep inside the other man, filling him with hot, sticky spend.
As they collapsed together, kissing and touching, Spike looked at Angel with something approaching adoration. “That was so incredible; better than I imagined.”
The brunet grinned happily. It certainly had been amazing, and he could already feel his insatiable dick waking up for another round; there was a lot to be said for screwing royalty.
“You were great. Will you stay with me? Although I seem to have overcome my fear of heights, I still feel that I need you here for...other matters.”
Spike couldn’t help but smile and nod, despite the fact that he knew he’d been thoroughly seduced.
The next morning, when the Queen came down to breakfast, she found Angel and her son already there, smiling at one another over the breakfast table. It heartened her to see them getting along so well, and she found herself wondering if they hadn’t perhaps shared a clandestine kiss the night before. She didn’t particularly approve, but the Prince was young and these things were wont to happen. Besides, if it turned out that Angel really was a prince himself, then it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
“Good morning, Angel. I trust that you’re well. Now tell me...How did you sleep?” She tried not to lean across the table, eager for his response.
Angel suppressed the smirk that was threatening and hooked his leg around Spike’s beneath the table before saying in the most serious tone, “Oh terribly bad! I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night! Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing, and my whole body is black and blue this morning.”
As Spike flushed deeply and gaped at him in outraged shock, with a side helping of amusement, Angel fought valiantly to keep his snickers at bay. Well, to be fair, he had spent the night with a hard thing poking him, and now he was quite bruised.
The Queen, oblivious to her son’s acute embarrassment, crowed in triumph. Angel must indeed be a true prince! Only royalty could have such sensitive skin to feel a pea through all those mattresses! She smiled winningly at him, thinking that he would make a fine addition to the family – as would his riches.
“You know, my darling,” she said in a mock conspiratorial tone to Prince Spike. “I do believe that you might have found your true love after all...”
Spike stayed just as red as before, but some of the blush was pleasure this time and he peeked at Angel from beneath his lashes to find that the other man was smiling at him, mirroring his own nervous happiness and excitement.
Angel couldn’t believe his luck! A gorgeous prince – and now it looked like he might get to keep him forever!
Now...all that remained was to figure out a way to break it to Spike that he was actually a blacksmith. Still, that could wait for another day.